PHOTOS BY COURTNEY KESSLER

eye knew dance forever

eye was three in the studio

tutu

pink tights

snatched bun

making friends

sanctuary,

a place to wiggle

n run

n take up space

freedom found me in the studio

ready

eye loved it there

where all the girls were

ready to laugh at my jokes

me w my dance bag

ready to whisper

eye kiki-ed w dance

we were homies

dance, my second language

almost my first

show off

even more than the studio made sense to me,

eye loved the stage

three minutes moving

red revlon over vaselined teeth

big

crooked

every tooth showin’

type smile

eye loved dance a long time

before eye started training

before rigor

n class everyday of the week

n u can’t wear that in here

n don’t stop

n don’t rest

and                  what summer program are u going to?

long before eye could put words

to the sensation eye felt in my body

long before the exhaustion mixed w disdain

n self hate

–

dance tried to

rearrange its grasp on me

n eye slipped into the crowd

dance saw me

n eye sped up

walked after me

a couple hastened steps

n eye averted my gaze

pretending eye was someone else

a business major

dance didn’t search for me long

there’s so many of me,

so many hopefuls waiting

in the wings

or so eye was told

reminded,

near every class

it’s curious

to make a bond

with something,

yourself

fall in love

devote

as u are simultaneously told

how expendable u are

work

work

working

for the sake of working

for the privilege

of being told                 no

                                                   not yet

                                                   not enuf

//

we applaud

the ability

to put feelings aside

not                                           feel

don’t cry in the studio

ignore the menstrual cramps turning u inside out

the strain in ur hamstring

that blister covering the bottom of ur foot

or where the blister used to be

before u did grand allegro

the show must go on                          don’t be daft

perform ill

dance cold

eat later

extend the leg

turn it out

hold

hold

hold

turn it out more

more

keep the foot pointed

point harder

                      harder

fully extend thru that leg

                                                                and down

//

dance was chock full of god like figures

worship

folks larger than life

confident

eye stood in awe

mimicking

hold my wrist

fingers

arm

glance             just right

the studio

on a sunday morning

the ultimate site of

ceremony

and for a time

a site of fasting ritual,                                     purging

what parts of myself

can eye look at today:

the dancer’s eye

what is the difference

between fixating on what is wrong

what can be modified

in the mirror

and hurting one’s self,                                                maybe

ballet

one point

in a constellation

of self harm activities

eye employed

//

two decades later

witnessing

a certain carriage

way of speaking

holding one’s self

can transport me

back to a room

a place

the studio

that one teacher

a mentor

that dancer eye emulated                                upon emulated

(including the eating disorder)

god-like

a workshop

an audition

a number attached to my leotard

(n the run in my tights that eye hoped no one saw)

the barre

under ur hand

the release

turn

the release

n return

place ur hand

but don’t hold on too tight

//

it took ten years to return to dance

return to movement

eye stopped calling myself a dancer

proudly

how could eye live in that space

how do eye go to that place of competition

without imagining my comrade as other

as different

as less than

the breana

that was tired

hungry

lacked support

the fourteen year old who walked to the train

to bart

a 45m ride to another county

to walk down fourteenth street

past the gurls finishing their night work

past the folks who worked the corners

thru cold

heat

with a backpack

and a dance bag digging into their shoulder

this was praised

this was the work

the sacrifice

all of the adults around me

expected it

encouraged it

patted me on the back for my ability

to do the hard thing

oh breana wakes up on their own

gets to class

look at that facility

the body

but where is the technique

the strength

hmm I expected …more

I expected you to deliver

long hours

and sleeplessness

being exhausted

n hungry

is a dangerous place

to build the nervous system

a certain type of staccato piano

can create an instant response in my body

//

now

in my thirties

eye have relearned my second language

reconnected

embraced

eye don’t use

the word dancer

even if my training

is forever harboured

in this body                                          stained

usually eye employ some

euphemism

like movement

never teacher

maybe             facilitator

something that brought me such joy

plugged into deep despair

not instantly

but over time

eye had to grow up

heal up

before eye could find myself

back to the studio

safely

eye feel deep gratitude

for my teachers

the humans that cared for me

as eye was learning to

care for myself

eye found many teachers

that were learning gentleness

tip toeing towards it

but it wasn’t a part of the curriculum

they came up on

they knew tough love

n doing the hard thing

n at times emulating that

has saved my butt

let me be clear

eye am grateful

–

eye hope to move until my last day

find pleasure n rhythm in this body

w wrinkles on my face

n white in my hair

eye pray for a

relationship to movement

that changes as eye do

n loves me back

a practice where eye am always enuf

n there is always

time

for gentleness

~~

breana is an interdisciplinary artist, facilitator + healer. they offer movement facilitation virtually and across Albuquerque, NM including at Black Widow Pole Arts + OffCenter Community Art Project. breana serves on the Southwest Contemporary Editorial Advisory Board. their first curatorial work Grief Movement can be found in Encompass opening March 2023 at Harwood Arts Center in Albuquerque, NM.

Note: This poem was first published in Stance on Dance’s spring/summer 2023 print issue. To learn more, visit stanceondance.com/print-publication.

The post gentle, god-like appeared first on Stance on Dance.

Happy 11^th birthday to Stance on Dance! When I started Stance on Dance in 2012, I had no idea I’d be continuing it more than a decade later, or that it would grow into its present iteration as a nonprofit and print publication. As Stance on Dance reaches its third print issue, I’m thrilled to have the opportunity to continue publishing the perspectives of myriad dance artists and sharing those perspectives with Stance on Dance’s donors as well as with students of dance around the country. I’m honored to be able to send a copy of each issue to folks who donate at least $25 a year to support Stance on Dance’s arts journalism nonprofit.

The spring/summer 2023 print issue features movement artist breana’s poignant poem about their history in ballet and subsequent trauma; Liz Duran Boubion’s meditation on how her residency in the desert has influenced her thoughts on death; Julia Cost’s sumptuous paintings of people in motion; Micaela Gardner’s reflections on making Resuenen, an interpretive dance film that explores the US-Mexico border; Mary Elizabeth Lenahan’s story of former dancer Adelaide and her son, Preston, who is on the autism spectrum and dances with Dance Express; Shannon Leypoldt’s intriguing look at the link between artistic practice and the menstrual cycle; Kevin O’Connor’s ode to his “dancestor” Billy and his suggestions for scores to improvise with one’s ancestors; and longtime dance teacher Diana Turner-Forte’s account of her experience facilitating a group of students with intellectual disabilities. This issue also includes my interviews with Maggie Bridger, a choreographer and PhD candidate who explores the relationship between pain, dance, and disability; and Wonyoung Kim, a choreographer, dancer, and lawyer who views choreography as metaphorically similar to law. If you’d like to receive a copy, please consider donating to Stance on Dance. Otherwise, all the articles and interviews will eventually be published online and will be free and accessible to anyone interested.

A big component of Stance on Dance is to not only create a platform for dance writers but also to send free copies of Stance on Dance to colleges and other dance learning spaces with the hope that the next generation of dance artists will become excited by the possibilities of dance journalism. To date, Stance on Dance has sent free copies to 20 dance programs around the country. If you work with a college dance program or other dance learning space and are interested in receiving free copies of Stance on Dance, please reach out to me at emmaly@stanceondance.com. And if you’re reading this and thinking, “I have a stance on dance!” don’t hesitate to get in touch!

Cover by Julia Cost
“Betty Ann’s Hula” (2014)
Oil on canvas, 16” x 12”

The post Supporting and Spreading Dance Journalism appeared first on Stance on Dance.

Meet our director and editor:

Emmaly Wiederholt is a dance artist and arts journalist based in Albuquerque, NM. She founded Stance on Dance in 2012. Emmaly earned her MA in Arts Journalism from the University of Southern California and her BFA in Ballet and BS in Political Science from the University of Utah. She further trained at the San Francisco Conservatory of Dance and performed extensively around the Bay Area. Her first book, Beauty is Experience: Dancing 50 and Beyond, was published in 2017, and her second book, Breadth of Bodies: Discussing Disability in Dance, was published in 2022. Emmaly is also a master DanceAbility instructor and facilitates movement groups at the UNM Hospital adult psychiatric ward, as well as is a founding member of the dance advocacy nonprofit ABQ Dance Connect. She continues to perform throughout the Southwest.

Photo by Allen Winston

Our contributors have included:

Snowflake Arizmendi-Calvert, a performance artist and organizer in the Bay Area.

Gregory Bartning, a photographer in Portland, OR.

Liz Duran Boubion, the director of the Festival of Latin American Contemporary Choreographers in the Bay Area.

Liz Brent-Maldonado, an artist, writer, educator, and producer in San Francisco, CA.

Michelle Chaviano, a ballet dancer with Ballet North Texas.

Bradford Chin, a disabled dance artist and accessibility consultant in Chicago, IL, and San Francisco, CA.

Shebana Coelho, a writer and performer currently studying flamenco in Spain.

breana connor, an interdisciplinary artist, facilitator + healer in Albuquerque, NM.

Lauren Coons, an interdisciplinary artist, performer, healer and educator in Albuquerque, NM.

Julia Cost, a painter, textile designer, sewist, and dancer in Maui, HI.

Sophia Diehl, a dancer in New York City.

Bonnie Eissner, a writer in New York City.

Katie Flashner, a.k.a. The Girl with the Tree Tattoo, a World Champion ballroom dancer and author in ME.

Micaela Gardner, a dancer and choreographer in Baja, Mexico.

Sarah Groth, an interdisciplinary artist from Albuquerque, NM.

Cherie Hill, a dance educator and choreographer based in the Bay Area.

Lorie House, a dancer, choreographer, and lawyer in NM.

Silva Laukkanen, a dance educator and disability advocate in Austin, TX.

Mary Elizabeth Lenahan, the director of Dance Express in Fort Collins, CO.

Shannon Leypoldt, a dance artist, teacher, and sports massage therapist in Berlin.

Erin Malley, a dance artist and tango teacher based in West Michigan.

Julianna Massa, a dance artist in Albuquerque, NM.

Aiano Nakagawa, a dance artist, educator, facilitator, writer, and event producer in the Bay Area.

Jessie Nowak, a dance artist and filmmaker in Portland, OR.

Kevin O’Connor, a multidisciplinary artist in London, Ontario, and the San Francisco Bay Area.

Bhumi B Patel, an artist/activist based in the Bay Area.

Stephanie Potreck, a sports nutritionist and health advocate who currently resides in Germany.

Jill Randall, artistic director of Shawl-Anderson Dance Center in Berkeley, CA.

Kathryn Roszak, a choreographer, filmmaker, educator, and activist in the Bay Area.

Donna Schoenherr, director of Ballet4Life and Move into Wellbeing in London, UK.

Maggie Stack, a dancer and teacher in Reno, NV.

Camille Taft, a CO front range-based mover and visual artist.

Mary Trunk, a filmmaker, choreographer, and multimedia artist in Altadena, CA.

Diana Turner-Forte, a teaching artist, healing arts coach, and writer in NC.

Ana Vrbaski, a body music practitioner in Serbia.

Nikhita Winkler, a dancer, choreographer, and teacher from Namibia who currently resides in Spain.

Erica Pisarchuk Wilson, a dance artist, visual artist and poet in Albuquerque, NM.

Rebecca Zeh, an interdisciplinary artist in Sarasota Springs, NY.

~~

Our board:

Snowflake Arizmendi-Calvert

Cathy Intemann

Alana Isiguen

Courtney King

Malinda LaVelle

~~

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